Thursday, 30 December 2010

Band of Joy

Floating on a tidal wave alone. There isn't anyone to catch me. So, when I fall, I'll crash. Prove it?
There's a damn good reason why we were made to feel hurt but my god, a wish we could dim it wouldn't go amiss to the Genie. I'm overly tired and with that appetite. I'm not with the obvious. All I wanted for Christmas was glasses and an Oxfam goat. I can't think I can't, can't. The cat is on the wrong side of the bed. I sound so ungrateful. Christmas tree lights dazzle and confuse me. Why invite me where I'm not going to be wanted. All I can stand to eat if, I have to is tinned fruit. Maybe I should've stayed on that train. Held my breath just that little too long in the cold spat of the shower. Paid more attention to something, I've forgotten what. There's wet on my face. I should definitely unpack! Why are my cheeks damp? Oh, the irony. Right now I don't want a party. They aren't interrogatives, they are declaratives. It's practically hysterical in here. Why the hell didn't I give more of myself up to Science. I've sat staring at your colours for two hours why do you not give me anything I really need? Even that's a step too far. So selfish. Buzz and talk to me, please. I'm beginning to see that this isn't even real. Is it always about the infamous 'love' and the grand 'infidelity' with you people. No, selfish. I guess he'd say that was just about right. Oh poppycock, is that the time? Don't unlock my door. I get it, you don't like leaving me on my own.

Like I said, I'm going to crash when I finally fall.

Monday, 27 December 2010


I wonder in retrospect if it is just me that finds Christmas Day to be the strangest of the year? I now maybe see why it was sad to be away from everyone last year but work was actually quite a good way to spend the holiday. All that's left here are old fashioned board games and geography textbooks. Please don't cancel my train. Having decided for many reasons that from April this year I wouldn't drink again (I'm sure I will write all about it eventually if asked), it is only now really that I am being truly tested by it. I realise now that it was one of the only things that really stopped me from having to listen to my mind. Bliss. Which is not always the nicest place to abide to. First there was Anna and now there is Molly. Goodness me, whom will be next?

For someone whom never took to Maths, the universal language it converses in is finally understood unto me.
Christmas was not right this year, something had gone astray with the formula but I won't ask the doctors to fix it, I know they wouldn't understand (me).

Through the beautiful flow of words and reason I am grounded in Literature. From the spread on the table I am pushed towards 'no thank you'. The clothes on my bones leave me to wonder why they are so revealing. All that flesh. All by my mind, this is coming to pass.
Why does everyone rely on New Year to make their change? Every day can be a new year if only we'd listen to our own calendars. The clocks are ticking away! That's how the rest of the animals live, just because we can't talk to them doesn't mean we can't follow by example.
I am all consumed and alone. Does that mean I'm alive or passive? The answer comes to be neutral (everyone knows it's balanced out at 0). I think I know what will make me feel alive, but I can't go back to him. Right now I can see that would be wrong, but it only takes five minutes for me to disappear (to -1) and I'll say yes. I realise that love will never be part of our equation because if it were I could stay at 0 or even reach +1. Why did we not listen to the damn poets when we had the chance? This is the most I've said for nearly a week.

Friday, 24 December 2010

Bang for the Buck

Having managed to avoid the depths of my mind for another day I feel it is time for a post of loveliness :)
Yesterday I gave a few presents around (yay for finally getting it all done and not having to shop last minute in Sainsbury's on Christmas Eve like last year) I must say the best reception I have ever, ever received came from my lovely darling Lauren yesterday. Part of the gift of home cooked goodies and mug galore was a mix cd. How very retro! So I thought it only right to spread (and HIGHLY recommend) the love of this little winter ensemble:

Yeah, as you can see I'm not brilliant at this whole 'put a picture on your blog' thing. Yet! There's plenty of time to learn haha.

My lovely friend Laura held a little Christmas thing at her house yesterday and it was really nice to see everyone together again. It's so difficult to get us all together at the same time! I got there in time to catch the end of Love Actually (the perfect Christmas film!!) which was lovely. From then on it was all chatting, hot drinks and laughter. Ahh :)

As a little cheeky Christmas treat to myself (very naughty of me) I bought a few things from work! £140 worth of items for £38, fantaaaastic!
Items included these lovelies:

Sooo cute (and warm :D). I think the socks look a bit like those nice looking loaves of bread - the seeded ones that are really unhealthy but so popular, yeah? Cannot wait to wear them on a cold day!

I would like to write a lot more but I've got to get some sleep as I'm at work for 7:45am tomorrow morning and I won't be a very good sales assistant if I'm half asleep!

What are the New Years resolutions going to be??

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, I hope it's whatever you're hoping it will be xxx

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Searching for a Former Clarity

This time of year the word 'love' seemingly becomes so candid. But is that really the case? It's as if it were a game of throw and catch, but with a precious gem. The game starts off as one of precaution and assiduous attention but as time progresses and the participants become better at catching the precious stones to and through the careful watch diminishes. I pose this point as an anti-hero, most would say this is the 'Season of Love'. I believe it can be, but not through spoken language. Should it be seen by the views from our windows, the excitement glittering and wobbling from the bauble's wink and least we forget the peaceful moments of which quiet finds our minds but forgets our hearts? We are each to our own in how we come to feel this. I hesitate to use the word 'emotion', I use it in its utmost to be an abstract noun. For that is surely the only way to ensure that everyone is included in my theory. My point I realise, has maybe not been displayed simply so I refrain to this; if everyone could turn lead to gold, it would become worthless, that is why it only applies to a special few whom obtain the Master Work.

I must admit that my point has been simplified by the work of Paulo Coelho, though I might wish I had read "The Alchemist" earlier, I think it was a prize to have left it (accidentally) till Christmas time. If you have not read this book definitely put it on your last minute stocking filler list! Personally, I'd also recommend reading something fairly damning before, I read "A Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley and it will not disappoint.

I found a bunch of photos on my phone that are themed perfectly for Christmas:

Lots more baking photos to come I presume, I'm going to attempt to make chocolate fudge today, how exciting!
Everyone should listen to Christmas Lights by Coldplay too :)

Sunday, 5 December 2010


I'm the stranger next to me.

It's just hit home that I haven't found my Christmas cheer yet. So much for fairy lights. Maybe it's because the tree isn't up yet? Oh wow Jimmy Eat World, sets the present world on fire. I think I'm going to be lost again soon, I can feel it coming.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

The Wild Party

Maybe tomorrow it comes crashing down,
Maybe next week, I'll find, another clown,
Maybe I'll try to go a different way -
But look who's sitting here, today -

If I could change,
If I could grow,
I'd ask for nothing more,
And through that door, I'd go,
But if I'm through,
Do I stay?

Maybe he wants me,
Maybe he needs me,
Maybe he loves me -

Maybe I, like it, this way.

Who is your yes in a world of maybe?
Thank you Andrew Lippa; for the show stopper and the lyrics.

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Sweet Insanity

Why is it that I have deadlines to address, work hours to attend and exams to practice for, and all I seem to do instead is read poetry?

Porridge is the ultimate winter food.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

The Milk-Eyed Mender

You know you have clearly given up in trying to research musical theatre history to pass your exam when you; find yourself watching a television programme about Scottish clans, eating dark cherry yoghurt and have a windows open to both the bbc news and one's own blog. Thereby finding yourself writing a blog entry as opposed to reading about Puccini's Madama Butterfly.

In my defense, it is one of my family's clans. Completely relevant, obviously.

Friday, 26 November 2010


Started the Christmas shopping, emptied half my bank account in process. Fantastic start if I do say so myself! Pandora's come to town and I'm never going to have money in my account again.

Bus journeys without a good book or music just aren't the same. I wish I hadn't lost my headphones and I honestly hope that my head clears so that reading something new is entirely possible.

I wish my job was integrated in open evenings, there's something I would excel at. It's ridiculous how well this title suits my purpose. You wouldn't believe the news story I read about cuckoos earlier. They've met their match.

I'm a little bit worried about what I've potentially let slip in my little encounter on Thursday. I really don't like waiting rooms. There is a definite sense of dramatic irony, we're either good or bad. We're going to pass with flying colours or there's going to be a new leaflet we must cast our eye o'er. Looks like they're going to be my future though.

Before that though there is an examination to attend. Better know my history or well, it won't end.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Some Racing Some Stopping

I don't think it is that obsessive to make her disinfect her hands after every sneeze. Hello! I have just been ill for the past month, excuse me for not wanting to get back on the sick bed straight away.

Way to know that the person you live with really isn't well:
Mum: Have you just had a shower?
Me: Well I did twenty minutes ago yes, the towel on my head is a slight clue perhaps?
Mum: Awwwh that is so, so sweet.
Me: Why?
Mum: It just is so sweet! Why did you never do anything like that when you were four??

Again, I ask, WHY?

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Kill Them With Kindness

I like the new bag on it's way to me in the post. Hiyya Aubin & Wills. Shh bank account balance.
I also reaaaally like the idea of not buying all my Christmas presents from Sainsbury's on Christmas eve this year - hence the motivation in some sense to actually start the Christmas shopping early this year. I refuse to be 'cute but a complete ditz', this year. But whom am I buying gifts for? I clearly don't know who considers me to be a real friend now after the little chat I was let in on the other day. Well.
I am not a fan of this "Secret Santa", I don't like the idea of not being able to get something that really means something for the person I want it to be for. There's a lot of vague in my life at the moment, and as you may have noticed - a lot of "something"s.
Absolutely in lurrrve and terrified. The lurrve is of 'Everyone Needs a Fence to Lean on'. WHAT A SONG. The terrified would be me, turning on my phone for the first time all day and getting a text from my singing teacher telling me my singing exam has magically jumped forward by 8 days. Lalalala. This isn't happening. I translated Chaucer all on my own :)
Oh, and at all costs avoid getting your nail trapped in a detagger and then half of it ripping off. At work. The pain is more than it sounds. It's also very embarrassing. I can definitely back that one up.
Maybe I'll make home cooked gifts this year? I just don't have the time!!!!
I think a few cracks have started to close, maybe not the right way but I definitely prefer windows to doors.

Saturday, 6 November 2010

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Take Off Your Colours

Stop pulling me back to reality. I do research in the evenings and sleep all day. I answer the phone without a voice (quite literally) and I've given in on the whatever is behind the front door. I want the change without the consequence. Could that go on my Christmas list to Santa? I'm avoiding mirrors and photographs, unless they date before 2009. The book I'm reading, "The Wit and Wisdom of Oscar Wilde" is little more than brilliant. Quotes may appear here, and there. I swear the landing light keeps clicking on and off. No more lunch dates. Definitely no more boy-s. I think I'm throwing in the towel on my current education? I know this is bad but I can't seem to muster much towards this great catastrophe. Coast is fabulous. I think a written diary might make much more sense from now on. I've got History for Sale, on repeat. When did my cat get so loud?

"We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars."

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

If You're Feeling Sinister

“You are too young to put all of your hopes in just one envelope.”

Now the real question is, fringe or just a trim?

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Is This It

I'm going to paint my nails pink and put mental power into making my mouth ulcer better.
It's been 4 days, surely it should have gone by now? Maybe it's a secret plea for me to use up the bonjela at last! It's definitely a cupboard product - you know the ones, you buy them thinking they'll be really useful and then unless your feeling unusually proactive and adventurous OR actually in need of that particular aliment (Speaking for both food and medicine at this point), then it never gets used. Most likely for years on end. Little bit ew?
Completely love that Soph and I somehow both know the same dance you do to those particular tunes - it's a bit of a head wobble and hip jiggle. Definitely not suitable for a nightout but perfectly comical for a night in with the girls! It goes back to a theory that Sophie and Heather came up with a couple of years ago - all girls have inbuilt reactions. We all know when to finish an 'Ooh' or a deafening scream. We are so talented.
I brownie promise that I would give up Christmas presents (Even cards!) for life, if somehow I wake up tomorrow and there's an email telling me my UCAS has all been sorted for me and I don't have to worry about any of it. Also, if I fancy I don't have to go into work. Also, here are some sleeping tablets that genuinely work. OH AND ALSO G'WAN HAVE ANOTHER WEEK OF HALF TERM TO RESTORE A SMILE. Totally having a giggle on this one!
Time to face the music, well actually my hairdresser, on Thursday. Really hoping that I won't get the old lecture of not coming sooner.

After much deliberation (All of 3 months), I want to be that little girl lost in the moment again.

Friday, 22 October 2010

White Ladder

So I'm not using my time to do something super academic and productive (i.e. personal statement), but I am using it to do something sweet, retro and creative. I'm making a mixtape for a very dear friend of mine. I've gone down the sleepy/acoustic and piano piece route. It's putting me to sleep just fitting it all together! I am actually thinking they would make a really cute Christmas present. Mmm, oh delightful. (Also, I am very, very appalled that I am thinking about Christmas presents already, I am aware of this sad fact haha.)

Generally my life consists of college, college work, more college, working at the weekends, more college. We're getting ipads instore at work! I'm skeptical that they 'won't break' but it is quite exciting all the same. Looking forward to the Scarefest at Alton Towers with the girlies, should be full of good memories in the making! Did I mention that one of my close friends interviewed the Prime Minister (Boss) and the Deputy Prime (Tea maker and general PA to said Boss) minister today? How wonderful and insane is that. What a small world.

Oh how darling, I think I'm done!

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Lost Where I Belong

Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Newcastle, Strathclyde; you were all a nice dream.

Now in my books no one 'plans' to disappear, but right now, I'd very much like to. Do some kind of marathon thing - not an actual marathon, I would die trying to run it. I haven't been to the gym for near, 2 months, I am HORRENDOUSLY unfit. But a marathon-sleep ("Sleepathon" hahahaha) would be fantastic right about now.

Isn't it a little bit of a piggle when you buy one of your current favourite tracks off iTunes (fight the piracy!) and it's a diff version from the one you've spent the past two months listening to, on youtube?

Saturday, 9 October 2010

Ill Behaviour

Current favourite messy song: Be Faithful by Fatman Scoop. Old school always wins. Although I think Louder by Katy B might be soon to follow. More (good) dubstep, I say!

Most nervous/exciting/intimate/clumsy/exhilarating/hot-literally/comfortable*, evening last night.
* - delete where appropriate. Mmmmm.

It seriously feels like a Sunday.

Loving to be lost in a beat.

Thursday, 7 October 2010

How We Operate

You're never alone in being alone but you will feel, well, alone. The irony of a crowded planet. The flaw in this "Grand" design. Ha. Good luck in the great scheme of everything. Stare into space, find your own denial, wait - "Clarity". The cathartic attitude.

I think my problem was never tearing the 'bad day' pages out of my diary. Maybe that is one solution to take up. I miss my thermos in the morning. Being hollow is looking like a reality again. I want to see things from someone else's way. Definitely why I stopped drinking months ago. Playing board games will never be the same, statistics taught me how to cheat. Still haven't got that lipstick. Try and see things my way.

"Lovely." Get to know me. "Scary and damaged." When does the coin flip back to the other side of reality?

On second thoughts, this would be me editing the blog having posted this already lalala, I'll wait to see your smile. I really don't know what to feel till then.

Sunday, 3 October 2010

The Five Ghosts

One of my favourite things to use youtube for is finding a good remix. This isn't the easiest thing in the world as you've got a lot to go through these days to find something you can really connect with. Today was my lucky day! I've heard of LightsOverLA before, my preferred track being the Two Door Cinema Club - What You Know remix.
However, until now I have to confess I'd never really noticed the talent behind the remixes. The one I'm recommending to you today is the LightsOverLA, Stars - Dead Hearts remix. They had lights inside their eyes.
Summing something up to a quick, monosyllabic review is not something I'm very good at, but for this; "Hauntingly beautiful", is going to be my answer. Your next 4:11mins will definitely not be a waste.

Thursday, 30 September 2010

Carbon Glacier

So it's my cousin's birthday in what, 30 days? I have no idea what to get her yet. I'm at least three days behind on work from all subjects at college. I've got investigations to start - drafts will be shortly due! Not to mention the revision I definitely keep attempting to start but then get too dizzy to focus. I've never facebook stalked before, but it's a little exciting. Still haven't got that red lipstick yet. Maybe tomorrow. I would go to bed in prep for a full day of "cotch", I mean work in the LRC at col but my cat is being cutesy on my lap. By that I mean she looks adorable but her claws are firmly stuck into my thigh (ouch). I still have the flu, or whatever this is. This means I constantly smell of antibacterial hand sanitiser. Speaking of which I'm rewatching Grey's Anatomy, from the beginning, to make myself feel better again. Wonderful. Pay day at midnight woooo :) When the heck did a statement have to get so personal?
Responsibility is an iron fist. And how do we make it stop?

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Little Death

Listen up ladies!
This might make you cry. Especially if you watch it - he's got such a cute smile :)

p.s. I managed to spend £43 in Boots today buying two things. TWO THINGS. My poor card!
(Very amazing/fabulous/beautiful things though - hiyya YSL mascara and Benefit foundation hehe!).

Monday, 20 September 2010

Doo Wops & Hooligans

Hehe! It's a first in the promise of photos for this fairly plain blog. I made these last night, "Late night baking." It's a nice lemon drizzle cake recipe though I must admit that I substituted over half of it because, I didn't have the ingredients stated, in the cupboard. If you want the recipe then just let me know - I can give you the original and my own variation. That'll be one for my recipe book then! I would have taken something slightly more artistic with the photo, but I was falling asleep by the time I'd done all the washing up. Banoffee? I think not but lemoffee yes siree! I also used (for the first time!!), glittery orange sprinkles. One of my favourite birthday presents I received this year. It was definitely a very exciting moment in all my years of baking haha.
Managed to sort out the volunteering at my old school - all it took was a five minute chat, apparently! Now all I have to do is clear everything with college (uhhtohh). Statistics may just have to give, it's literally taken two days for me to forget a week's worth of lessons teachings. I think I have already failed.
My next mission is to find some red lipstick that doesn't make me look ridiculous haha! If Florence Welch or Kate Nash can do it, then so can I!

Monday, 13 September 2010

Light Me Up

Just when you thought ice cream couldn't get any better!

I've spent a lot of time reading optimistic websites. It's really quite the smile inducer :)
I also simply can't stop listening to Ellie Goulding's 'This Love (Will Be Your Downfall)' and especially Red Light Company's 'When Everyone is Everybody Else'. At least I get to rock out in some chunky headphones haha. My timetable is going to break me this year! I'm sure it's more full than it was last year, how has this happened?? Absolutely loving the VMAs on MTV tonight. Fantastic performances all around, one day I will go! I really want some red lipstick. David Grohl has such a nice voice, mmm. Oh Oz, please go home. She really misses you. Argh I need way more than eleven hours sleep to function. Send postcards, you never know how happy they'll make someone. Why are my feet always cold? And now I'm rambling, looking to be a long week then clearly. I'll just leave with this cutie, everyone is somebody's secret.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

Hands All Over

Who are you to make me feel so good?

Monday, 6 September 2010

Sinner or a Saint?

I feel like I'm living in a dream. Or at least I certainly wish I was, sleep may find a way into my life that way. And why the hell did I have to come back from the flower of the west to this place so quickly? I know that I'm going to make some mistakes now, unfortunately I'm not willing to stop them either. Don't loose control, keep focus? Not me clearly!
I am so sad about having to drop Politics. What a mess today is.
Music is turning out to be far too evocative, roll on lemon strips. Apparently they're stress relieving. I find that hard to believe having taken up AS Statistics for this year, on top of my other subjects. Why did I bother rejoicing the fact that I was "Never going to have to do Maths again!", after my GCSEs? Waste. Of. Time.
We're under the sheets and you're killing me. Woooo!

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Shock Value

My greatest achievement of the week would be getting my Dad into The Pretty Wreckless. Although it has to be admitted, working a 7 hour shift with a high fever and a worrying collapsing tendency, came close. Very close.
Did I ever mention how very much I dislike packing? It is not exciting in any kind of prospect like some of my friends seem to think so. I haven't really taken a good stab at it though, the 'bare essentials' haven't even made it into the case yet. It would be a stretch to say they'd even left the drawers.
I would do anything to go and see Step Up 3D again right now. I would even (possibly) give up the chance to see Inception or the Karate Kid remake. Wah!
But instead I get to kick England's behind! Hello best place on Earth. Portuairk, here we come :)
A.k.a. the land of no signal, boating and mink.

Sunday, 15 August 2010


I'm really looking forward to the new house. I wonder whether the kitchen will be less narrow? Or if they'll be more bathroom space? Will Jazzy like it? Or even, is there actually going to be room for everything? I hope it's a new style. But not the type of thing I like - I want the parent's house to be different from what I get to eventually find to be "home". It's far away by calendar, by life it won't be.
Today would be the day that The Hills finishes too, sad faces all around. I got some pre-inspiration this morning from it, the equestrian look is really in (at least at Zara especially). Splashed out, a little more than enough. I hope I can make something of my life. Make myself proud, maybe? With results day looming it seems like that's the first step.
I've got ideas, I want to set them to a rhythm.
Thinking about it this might be my first step in the right direction, I'm moving away from the Kiss Me At the Gate sensation. Though I still wouldn't be able to do the right thing come face to face with the situation. It would be nice just to make believe for one more day. I need work to take my mind off this, thank goodness college isn't far off. I've never needed Portuairk more. Love don't really mean a thing round there.
New favourite quote: "Everybody is somebody else's secret". Thanks to The Audition. How blooming relevant.

Sweet dreams :)

Thursday, 12 August 2010

Surfing The Void

Andrew Lippa, what a guy! Seeing as I have to go into full blown 'musical diploma research' mode now I decided to start with the one I knew least about: The Wild Party. Absolutely phenomenal. It's originally based on a poem with the same name by John Moncure March (which when first published in 1928 was banned due to it being, "as wild as the titular party." How nice. Of course this lead on to it being a huge success.) Unfortunately there hasn't been a big impact on the UK with this one yet really - no professional company seems to have taken it on over here as of yet. Actually, Niamh Perry (from the elusive I'd Do Anything) has supposedly done a copy of Maybe I Like It This Way for BBC Radio 2. Which happens to be the same song going into part my diploma programme for the performance practical. Ahhh! It seems so far away on the calendar but it's only just round the corner. As is AS results day. Goodness me. Back to work for me then, and Klaxons.

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Cast The First Stone

Charities come in all shapes and forms, the main ones I support are; Cancer Research UK (for which my friends, family and I do various fund-raisers), Amnesty International and B-eat. A more recent one I have come across is called Reach Out. If you are ever in need of a pick me up for yourself, or you're worried about another friend or family member's well being this is definitely the place to go. They aren't a charity that solely support one cause, they are specifically targeting young people and acting on getting them through the tough times they can face.
The amount of people I know who feel they cannot talk about whatever they are going through because it's not "important enough", is alarming. Whether it may seem like a big issue or not in comparison to the rest of society's "problems", to you it is real. You are important. Mental health and well being is a very real and crucial matter, don't sweep it under the mat. Though Reach Out is based in Ireland, there's never any harm about spreading a good word or work. Why not tell a friend today? It's a meaningful conversation that could unlock doors for someone out there.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Viva La Vida

Possibly didn't fully anticipate how long it was going to take to fill up this new recipe book. Though it must be said, it's rather fun getting to write all these little gems up.
Beats hiding out in the stockroom at work at any rate!

Tuesday, 3 August 2010


When we try to deny ourselves what it is we fancy at that precise moment, we are suddenly overcome with desire to go against and be devilish. Let's show this by analogy of religion. My body will be the temple, "I" will be the devoted follower and some lemon ice cream will be the act of prayer.
Now, the temple is waiting for you to arrive and pray. It's what it wants. The devoted follower is a little bit angsty about the fact that she has just got back from holiday and done waaaaay too much prayer (and coincidentally has put on about fifty prayer mats worth of tummy love). But the temple is adamant that the devoted follower must come to take part in prayer. So, because of the whole "my body is my temple" thing, the devoted follower has found temptation (by way of a bowl and spoon - with her name engraved on them) and gives in. The temple is happy. The act of prayer is finished and therefore not wasted. In spite of the initial begrudging attitude shown by the devoted follower they feel better for it.
Why? Because doing what you want for you turns out not to be such a bad thing after all. Though this rule may not always apply - do not indulge in mass acts of prayer before bikini shopping. Unless this is actual prayer to find one that fits/doesn't depress said shopper/isn't really expensive for a piece of fabric that is essentially just going to cover your behind in water. Right. More blooming prayer for the temple! Coincidentally, Croatian lemon or kiwi ice cream is fantastic.

Thursday, 29 July 2010

A Hundred Million Suns

I am my cat's playground. There to be messed, dragged and statuesque.
Loved? In her eyes, I hope. The 'unrequited' would come with a definite lack of humour by now.
I won't say I don't want it. I have my methods, though they may not be seen as pc out of their manufacturer. It's true there's method in this madness. It's still yet to be decided whether I agree too. Any other institution would have filed under 'insanity'. Instead of seeing, I go with knowing. But this is my industry. I know the whirs and chimes. When it's said that, "Old habits die hard." Isn't that just an excuse for, "My habit never left me"? Which means we're never going to get past stage one; denial. Fortunately, I never forget that. If you can't help my hand, I'll hold someone else's tighter.
At least as a play toy I know I am loved. I'm all of a daze.

Lay your body down.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Sleeping With Ghosts

Sophie Dahl doesn't need Granddaddy to prove she's a good writer.

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Thirst For Romance

I sometimes feel like it would be a nice idea to post some photos on here and talk about them. Mainly the reason why I don't do this is because my phone has awful camera quality (5.0 mega pixels, yeah right) and my Dad usually has the SLR elsewhere!
Fortunately I have fallen back to the good old desktop computer, which has hundreds of photos on it. I love that there is a folder called 'Oh yes!', down right cheek! It's just full of beautiful men: Eric Dane, Chase Crawford, Hugh Jackman and most importantly - Partrick Dempsey. It has a few other little bits and bobs to fill up the corners too. I don't know when it was but my friend Laura put this special item in:

It's listed under, "REMEMBER HOW LOVELY THIS IS". Well Laura, I definitely won't forget thanks to you. How have I only just noticed that she has a blog? One of my best friends too.. I'm clearly such a good friend. It's all things dainty as only she could pull off.
These bags sometimes crop up in Nottingham's many vintage outlets - namely Cow seems to have them quite frequently. Just never when, a) I have the money or b) I go in. The latter is probably more crucial if I'm honest. Plus I'm more of a fan of Wild. Sorry! I am ultimately kicking myself for not buying a ring I saw in Topshop while in Newcastle. It was the last one (i.e. fate) and I ignored it royally. I'll remember for next time! There is a lot to be done/bought for Croatia next week (AHH TUESDAY!). Bikini shopping is a must for Sophie and I. Is that the gym I can hear calling?
Another thing I really had got into was making my own recipe/baking books. I am feeling my minted pea and watercress soup coming on. The flavour is something else! I love that you are able to customise them, just how you like. I like to use little pictures and cutesy cartoons.
I can't wait to "get our bake on" (haha) tomorrow. Lauren and I will be baking up a storm in the kitchen. The wonderful lady got me some edible sparkles and it would be a lie to say they didn't get me rather excited about the next time I was going to get to do some baking! So I think it's off to Sainsbury's for supplies! I am still looking for a good buttercreme 'frosting' mix, the search will go on.
Eliza Doolittle will always put you in a good mood. She's a cross between Lenka and Lily Allen if you asked me.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Now More Than Ever

Deep in my heart I'm concealing,
Things that I'm longing to say,
Scared to confess - what I'm feeling.
Frightened you'll slip away,
You must love me.

Musicals are just everyday situations, with all the characters' conscience on display for all to see. The emotional involvement you have to put in is exhausting. You are being real. Somewhere, that character, that person, is real. They exist and you become them for those few minutes. You embody. Become. You feel. You commit. The lyrics are their life stories and the moral you have to convey. It's freedom writers, without the rap poetry. That final performance, is key. Just to let you know, he doesn't love me.

The singing lessons weren't just for grades or diplomas, they're for life.

Monday, 12 July 2010

The Place We Ran From

What a lovely day yesterday was. BBQ, wonderful people, footie fans and even sumo wrestling. Oh, and the fairy grotto was my favourite bit. It was just our luck for the wind to drop, just as we came to light the hundreds of candles. Electric fairy lights in trees are definitely the way forward! I think my Dad's shaky hand when using the camera kind of adds to capturing the magic (trying to at least)! A few more days like that and we'll be set for life. It will be last summer all over again!
We've been eaten out of house and home - that never happens. Everyone came pretty much, which is pretty amazing, they'd take the time out of their day to come. For that I really hope that they all had a good time.
This program isn't good, it just proves I need to marry a rich man. The houses are rather beautiful though. Thanks MTV, you're giving me ideas! Now I really want to go skiing. No, Croatia next week. Then, plan next holiday.
It was really lovely to get to go to my Daddy's students Combined Honours Graduation ceremony. One day we'll be wearing those robes, hehe.
Wow, it's been the best birthday week I've ever had. No tears! Thank you letters that don't quite make sense.. Smiles all around. Gym time required definitely, I have seen the photos.

I've seriously lost all painting skills now, even doing nail polish is demanding extreme concentration!

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

The Reminder

Beautiful Pandora, I think it's the best present I've ever received :)
Charms include a beautiful little teacup and saucer, pink and white stripe glass charm, shopping bag with gold bow and a petite suitcase with Paris and palm trees inscribed on it!
The most meaningful gift I ever received was when I turned fifteen. I remember that everyone made a card, simple, A3 and plain (until they'd set paint to it!), how it dried in time is a miracle! Anyway, then everyone signed it. Everyone I knew at school. I can remember thinking, 'Wow, how darn lucky are you Mhairi', minus the 'darn' maybe.
Anyway, what a lovely day of reading and housework. The real surprise and laughter came later, of course. What's the phrase? "All good things come to those who wait"? People may call me cynical but today that one, hopefully, is accurate. I think today I'm allowed to feel like I did manage to change and be the person I wanted to be. Where did the year go?
It was delightful to hear how happy my Daddy was on the phone. Who knew catching cod was the answer to all the weekly woes.
Well Daddy dear, you're still number one :)

Monday, 5 July 2010

Mind Chaos

Having recently read some rather graphic novels, of which a Gothic theme runs intermittently, I can't help but have some particular lyric spring to mind; 'He'd dance to your beat, and steal your heart, and smile with those teeth and tear you apart.'
Seemingly milking the last of this personal year. Candles on a cake that I don't have to make should be your pragmatic.
What is to come first? A hair cut at 9am that's for sure. Is it rather lacking that I plan to spend most of my day in the library tomorrow? Indeed, I would, hasten to disagree.
Instead I turn to untitled no. 9 to fill the minutes and choose to copy the words of Dr Seuss (my favourite quote, thus far).

How did it get so late so soon?
Its night before its afternoon.
December is here before its June.
My goodness how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?

Eight minutes to go, the excitement at last!
Greg Laswell to play me Not Out, one time.

Saturday, 3 July 2010

Fang Island

Talk about beautiful architecture and barmy walks by the beach. The sunshine made yesterday radiant, the lack of food gave it an addled wooziness. Though in the mind of this punch-drunk approach a straight lined walk would've been hard to comprehend and partake in theory, the reality did differ. I will always be open to Moroccan soup, should it be on the menu.
Interestingly, this weekend has made me feel like I did make a few right decisions. I always know that I'm incredibly lucky - no amount of charity work can show this gratitude. If not for college, it would be hard to argue that I would've met the wonderful people that I have now, having gone elsewhere. It simply doesn't seem comprehensible to think that I wouldn't have met them now. I would quite happily stay here longer with Lauren, always. This city has got adventure on the agenda. Maybe, we'd have a little more sleep, if time would allow it. Without any further elaboration, I can't avoid the Deep.
My Dad's flat has lovely photographs dotted around the place, shame they are wonky. A traveller's reminder of home. Did you know that another word for crooked is catawampus? Haha, language never ceases to amaze me. It may be a burning passion for Literature or just a mini mission of my own that I will, at the right time, remember to use this word in a conversation (and not for it's definition)
Was it really a year ago since prom? I may get my dress out for nostalgia.

Thursday, 24 June 2010


I want the comfort. I want the familiar. Minus the cliché.

No talk about pessimism on this subject. Please.

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Entering Pale Town

A tendency to dabble in the destructive, yeah that's pretty accurate.

Even after all these years I am still continually entranced by the music of Paperplain. I have a friend who was one of her best friends. What a small world! Here's a sample of something you should listen to, you'll understand what I mean then. Fortunately her music is available on iTunes - what a relief.
It's day two of the garden trail now - yesterday wasn't as successful as hoped, but it's hard to push ice-cream sales in overcast skies and brisk winds. My friends who came to help were absolute stars, as they always are. I think today we may have some luck on our side (luck being sunshine and bird song).
Not gonna lie but I'm so sure that George Osborne was wearing lipgloss on the Andrew Marr show earlier, well what a way to modernise politics. How ironic that's it's make up, applied to hide the flaws. This definitely isn't as good as the education analogy.

Needless to say, it was one big tragedy.

Sunday, 6 June 2010


Alright, so I'm avoiding a poetry book, who hasn't done that in their lifetime at some point? Babies don't count. Auden, it's not an affair with Hardy.
Clearly switching between Rosie's and Jess' theories here. Theory one; A girl's life might be just fine and dandy, no problems really if it wasn't for one person that makes your heart do some kind of flipdo pounding. Then again theory two; the human defibrillator (boy) can bring a definite smile to your face when you're in cardiac arrest or just general all-round glum. These two theories in, well, theory can not coexist. However, in practice they sync harmoniously. I have just had the practice play out for all to see (metaphorically). "Polishing a turd springs to mind" - who would have ever put those words into a conversation about sunglasses? I now know.
Is it just me or can photos really make you feel that unhappy about your present situ? Seriously feeling somewhere cool this year. Mmm let's just see about that.
Nevermind, moving on. I'm about to go into Monica mode (about my Lit exam..) because of the Garden Trail we're in this year. All proceeds to Cancer Research UK.
Monica mode entails rallying the troops, I mean helpers of course.
(I should focus on the aspects of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice..)
Monica mode means running a tight ship.
(Khaled Hosseini's Kite Runner is another area where my attention should more importantly be focused on right now..)
Monica mode means I need to find a retailer to sell me 4 litre tubs of ice cream in a variety of flavours for under £30.
(Hardy reflects his wife in his poems this shows urm..)
Monica mode means I have to find a chest freezer for free.
(I'm sure Auden was talking about there being a lack of control of time for all things you want to do and that that is A-OK..)
Monica mode is going to mean front of house has smiling faces 24/7.

Oh gosh who am I kidding. If anyone is lacking focus on their AS English Literature exam it's clearly me. Still, smile for the camera everyone! At least we'll look damn pretty.

To Sheila, you make me real.

Thursday, 3 June 2010


If ever I needed more of a reason to be a complete teetotaller from now on I found it yesterday. While going out is all very fun, fabulous and made me feel as though I was finally repaying some kind of unspoken debt to the people around me for the numerous (i.e. I have lost count) occasions on which I have relied on their "assistance" (understatement of the year) - seeing it all with sober eyes is very, refreshing. By that I don't mean literally (well, maybe a little) but rather by way of realisation. Drunk people say stupid things. Yeah everyone already knew this, but for me not in the sense that when you hear these 'truths' and you're not in the same state as the other participants - well, then it's quite a shock. Definitely wasn't 'superhappy' about the outcome of the conversation last night.
In fact, by making my stealthy exit at one of the many bad, no, chaotic moments of the evening I avoided interrogation. Did LOVE the use of a rotary washing line pole as a limbo pole, then as a shield. One against five, good odds? I wouldn't bet on that one haha. Just when you thought drunks had done everything. I also have a massive black/purple bruise on my leg from being kicked by an unruly drunk screaming about biology. Class. So while I may have not had the best night in the world, I know my friends did (not that they will remember most of it), some boys are still on course to being gentlemen (restored faith in the current generation?) and my feet are some kind of new level on an endurance scale. Also my new work uniform is lovely. Unsure about the flip-flops but I plan to work out how to get out of wearing them till I've toned my legs for the summer.
As I have had a gym lapse for nearly three weeks (absolutely horrifying!!) I plan to go and work out the kinks as of today. This'll be a push.

Trying, not crying, done.

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Night Work

"A bit early in the evening for on-stage interruptions."


It's not a waste of money, prom you.

Tuesday, 25 May 2010


I think this just made my day.

Feathers - Falling Asleep

Also, earning money for free is finally possible. Who knew?

Sunday, 23 May 2010

C'mon Miracle

Delirious feeling - finally found a song I've been looking for for literally months now! Thank you iTunes previews and mindless clicking. The gloriously shining sun is bouncing light in all directions. There are five more exams to wade through and my father has gone on holiday to the best place in the world (opinion speaks volumes). In light of the 6 weeks teetotal it would be a shame to ruin it with, "Pass the cocktails", instead I'll settle on some granita and whack the sunnies on. I think the local fruit stall had a bit of a shock when I strolled up at five o'clock after work yesterday to buy an absurd amount of fruit. Rihanna is amazing live, really make the effort if you can to see her. I couldn't possibly put into words the atmosphere, others would simply have to find out for themselves, I think they'd understand what I meant then. Tinie Tempah was an extra surprise for the evening which really started things with a bang. Received Pull The Pin in the post and though I've heard the album plenty of times before, listening to it all in one from owning it seemed to turn all the songs into unknowns. It was really great getting to rediscover all the tracks all over again. Particular tracks to watch out for were 'Bright Red Star' and 'Daisy Lane'. I think you can see directions for the band being premeditated for their future on this album from 2007. Downloaded Feeder's 2008 album, Silent Cry, for a little listen. Mainly because the work playlist I'm putting together features the song 'Tracing Lines'. Pleasantly surprised by the quality of the album, particularly 'Heads Held High'. It's only really just occurred to me that there are so, so many songs which strive to tell us the basic, 'Everything's alright'. I don't know if this is some collaborative message song writers all wish to convey in the hopes to calm us. Maybe it's just one giant metaphor or maybe music is a form of total release from the world we live in - I'd like to see what the psychologists say about that one. They're just tapping into our basic human needs? That structure; verse, chorus, verse, chorus - repeat. Could it be so simple that that's just repetition of a message to enforce it within us? Nah, that's being over analytical. It's worth having a listen to 'As We Enter' by Nas Damian Marley- make sure it's the Tinie Tempah remix. It's literally just two minutes of your time, I'm sure it won't be a waste. Love the non-linear structure. I've gone totally English Language, nerd.

Smiling faces will be the cherry on top of the cake for a day like today.

Monday, 10 May 2010


This month has given me the answer to what this collective list all have in common; revision, sleep deprivation and teabags. They are all ridiculous (each in their own way). Revision ridiculously necessary. Sleep deprivation ridiculously hard to break. Teabags? Well it's ridiculous when they break in your bag and literally everything gets covered in tea leaves.

Friday, 30 April 2010

Finding Forever

The Body Poets - Lights (Ellie Goulding Dream Dubstep Remix)

Just the way I like my mornings; fruit and fibre with a splash of dubstep.

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Ever So Shy

It's not the weirdest week of my life but it's definitely a waste.
At least if I fail college I can fall back on dying hair for a living, it's one option anyway.
Election campaigns seem to bring out the worst, though surely it's a reminder that we're only human. We strive for perfection yet the tiniest mistake will make us tumble. Crumble under a back breaking photoshop and typewrite all in one single place. It's own codified media of constituion - only 90p!
I failed my reactionary spot. Not all outcomes go as you planned quite clearly. I've learnt a lesson. But the motivation to keep on throwing the punches must come in a variety of factors, mainly the prize of power. Which ironically comes at the cost of your own power. Break your own rules and you'll gain power. Determination can come from the promise of power. Respect can come from the prosper of power. Fear can come from abuse of power. Love can come from admiration of power. Power can come from the outlook of responsibility.
Let's wait till the end of the week, we'll be older and therefore wiser. Our final decisions can be made all in good time then for that matter. Until time catches up with us lie with me, count the stars, feel. Maybe even smile once in a while.
Let's wonder the things that really matter. Is tomorrow still too soon to talk to you like before? Nevermind that now, the World will always go on turning.

Isn't that what the wisemen once said?

Wednesday, 21 April 2010


I've got a terrible habit of falling in love with the bus driver.
I'll never remember to refill the kettle, they'll be a fresh cup though.
I'd love to go to see the Northern lights, if Iceland is too far the Shetland Islands are fine with me.
Everytime I see a candle I could sit and watch it like it was the first time, over and over.
Always, 'keep calm and carry on'.
Oh lover, I'll cover you.

Slightly irritating to find that the book I've just finished, "The Wonder Spot" was really good. Though you didn't here it from me. It's the pettiest reason to try and not like something. I can't help but maybe come to the conclusion that she's actually like that in real life too. Again, you didn't here that from me.
There are places, that I like to call, 'reactionary spots'. It's honestly not as ominous as it first appears. They are just places that might have some indefinite meaning because of what happened there/was always there - y'know something from the past. I think everyone has these. Maybe even more than one. Don't get greedy, these are 'perfects'. The one I hold dear is whenever I go on the bus, so much so it influences which side I sit on whether I'm out or inward bound. Yes slightly pathetic, but it's a weak spot I'm not going to deny it. I think oh, I'll smile next time I pass. Oh, I'll hold a hand up as a wave. Oh, I'll look away, avoid those eyes. Oh, I'll shed one small insignificant tear. These spots are meant to test us, surprise! The moment you are waiting for is there, how do you finally react? Here it comes, go. I can't help but feel a weird clash of 'Here It Comes' (Doves) and No Surprises (Radiohead, obviously). On that final note, get me out of here. I could do with some peace. The gym will have to do.
No alarms and no surprises. Please.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Wreck of the Day

"Running wild among all the stars above."

I have a new nickname, 'Grey'. It's most fitting. Or 'Hooch'. Less fitting, funnier. Bit of an adventure over the past few days actually, hmm. Scarborough had mixed emotions, sunshine was lovely, all the wind and the cold less welcome really. Inez and I, dubbed 'Wellie Girls'.
Lovely emotional reunion with my college best, Mercedes today. Woo! Lots of tales to be had and laughter to spill while the reproachful eyes of the library's staff watched. The library should clearly just remain a place of quiet study in their eyes, even when you don't sit in the silent study area.
Do you ever wake up with a feeling?
Getting up on the wrong side of bed is apparently bad luck; getting up out of the side of the bed that you didn't get in at will quite clearly set your day up to fail. Keeping superstitions isn't everything. After all, are you offending the 'Gods' if you don't believe in them? That's a fine example of irony. Superstitions are neither here nor there of course, in my eyes they are just a convention of 21st Century life, even if they might seem a little outdated. Can a four-leaf clover really bring you luck? Materialistic. Is our fate written in the stars? Wishful thinking. At the end of the rainbow, is there a pot of gold? Mission impossible. Whatever we believe, what can happen, where we're going. Sounds a bit messy.

Dark and twisty. I just like to dream.

Saturday, 3 April 2010


Emotions. They make or break. I pick those words to describe as they aren't technically a form of emotion through adjective or adverb on their own. They can make our day, everything can seem better. Even mediocre tasks seem full of promise like washing the dishes, 'oh well that means I won't have to do it later!'. It seems damned that as we get older, wiser one might suggest, we lose the ability to remain carefree. We become damaged properties. "Dark and twisty". We can't choose what is going to happen, and that's probably a good job too, those with god complex can seem a little tiresome and straining. Not everyone is portrayed like that obviously, we make our own choices how we are going to live through whatever is thrown at us. There are the few strains who strive to show a buoyancy of pleasantries. This civility is surely pleasant. Your secret pain, who will know? Life just is. One day we can feel like throwing in the towel and other days we think, 'How on earth could I have ever wanted to do that?'
The main root is surely just the unknown. Because let's face it, it's the centre of anything, even the positives. An example is 'futures', as no one can predict it, we're left either with positive or negative or neutral. Those who say they can predict it rely on chance or experience, not the actual truth. Let's keep our glasses half full and heads not quite screwed on. Let us be cavalier. Dance with the stars and sleep in the sun. Retain smiles and composure with our company. Keep a guard with a soft spot for strangers to the gates of our heart. Roll with it. Why, ignorance is surely bliss.

We're all foolish. Fools in love. My heart is so tired of this foolery.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Don't Look Now

I could quite happily shut the world out for weeks and not realise the time has gone by. I have my music, my books, my grey's. Though when we stop and take a step back into the real world we find how much those people in our lives whether it's the bus driver, friends or the doctor - how much we just need to have them there. Whether we have feelings or not, human's definitely weren't meant to be alone. We don't know where are lives are going to go. Nor do we know who is going to cross them. Life just is. There is pain. There is joy. Joy is pain and pain is joy. We just have to ride on through. Responsibility changes everything.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Dirt Off Your Android

This is quite possibly one of my favourite album covers ever; the Thrills' Teenager.
Also, think everyone should have a listen of 'Jaydiohead'. Serrrrrrrrrrious !

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Finally Woken

"Today's the first day of the rest of your life."

I nearly always wake up thinking it is a completely different time and day from what it actually is! Today was partial confusion thanks to the birds dancing about on the roof above my room. As much as I love them, I wish they'd stop so I could try sleeping past 7:30am. Having done a long, long 42 hour stint with the doom of coursework hanging over this week I feel very sleep deprived for the first time in a while. At least the work was finally done :) Can't believe how fast things are moving at the moment, it's nearly April already so lots of birthdays soon to come! I love buying birthday presents, or just generally gifts it's a wonderful feeling.
Literally could listen to MTV Hits, Dance etc. alllll Saturday if I had the time to, but unfortunately I have to get up and do this, that and the other. Let's hope the sun comes out soon, I love the warm glow and smiles :)

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Literature Lovers

Why on Earth do I always leave my deadline-work till the last minute?
This habit clearly needs to be broken. Well, I say that but I also knows it's not going to happen. Completely hanging today for the Geography trip, definitely NOT GOOD. Though on the plus side sussed out plenty of nice cafes and which ones are are a total rip-offs for lattes. Oh and we saw the cutest owl ever called Misty :)
Thermos of coffee at the ready, memory stick in, all nighter for the deadline tomorrow here we comeeeeee !

Thursday, 11 March 2010


Decided today that the best websites are those that make you laugh in whatever way possible. They entertain. Which is possibly why sites such as Wikipedia, though brilliant aren't really much of a chuckle. Even Google has the ability to make us have a good chuckle every so often.
I think one of my favourites would have to be fml. If I was a doctor I'd probably hand it out as a prescription, sometimes all you need is a bit of heart and you're away!
Currently regretting not going to see Passion Pit and Ellie Goulding perform this week, amazing opportunity missed for the most silly of mistakes and reasons. Reliant on the fact that there will always be other opportunities. Ellie Goulding was the one everyone was going to see - despite poor Passion Pit headlining. Been listening to her since early last year now, so I feel pretty proud and all thanks to my friend Laura. It's great when you know people with similar music tastes to you!
I really need to make up for not frequenting the gym yet this week, time just seems to slip through our fingers. The busy life of being a young happening thing today! Oh lordy, truly have been reading too much W H Auden. But to make it all much better the most gorgeous man was at my bus stop today, hello sexy! It's times like that when you think, 'Yes I haven't checked my appearance all day which was therapeutic until now.' Ah well, one dose of McDreamy coming up! All is welllllll !

Saturday, 6 March 2010

Keep Calm and Carry On

That would be Stereophonics current new album :)
Saw them last night and they were absolutely brilliant. Just moment after moment. I've been to a lot of gigs over the past few years but that one topped them all off. Well worth both money and the 6 month wait!
The arena was completely packed but I still think we had the best view going. Shame really that the light show was just so fantastic that my phone camera couldn't cope. Lack of photos is made up in the lovely dark green tour t-shirt I got! Makes up for it by the power of a thousand.
I don't know if it's just me that always finds after a concert that you suddenly find you have to listen to anything and everything by that band - whatever you can get your hands on. A bit like an end of season sale in your favourite shop, just minus the scary female bargain warriors.
I know that I definitely got that vibe after Foals, Athlete, Franz Ferdinand and Editors haha. Actually thinking about it the support bands were all pretty good too - I think we fell a little bit in love with Glaswegian band Hip Parade, cheeky little chats with the crowd and having to remember to speak slowly for the majority of people who couldn't understand his strong accent. Brilliant.