I wonder in retrospect if it is just me that finds Christmas Day to be the strangest of the year? I now maybe see why it was sad to be away from everyone last year but work was actually quite a good way to spend the holiday. All that's left here are old fashioned board games and geography textbooks. Please don't cancel my train. Having decided for many reasons that from April this year I wouldn't drink again (I'm sure I will write all about it eventually if asked), it is only now really that I am being truly tested by it. I realise now that it was one of the only things that really stopped me from having to listen to my mind. Bliss. Which is not always the nicest place to abide to. First there was Anna and now there is Molly. Goodness me, whom will be next?
For someone whom never took to Maths, the universal language it converses in is finally understood unto me.
Christmas was not right this year, something had gone astray with the formula but I won't ask the doctors to fix it, I know they wouldn't understand (me).
Through the beautiful flow of words and reason I am grounded in Literature. From the spread on the table I am pushed towards 'no thank you'. The clothes on my bones leave me to wonder why they are so revealing. All that flesh. All by my mind, this is coming to pass.
Why does everyone rely on New Year to make their change? Every day can be a new year if only we'd listen to our own calendars. The clocks are ticking away! That's how the rest of the animals live, just because we can't talk to them doesn't mean we can't follow by example.
I am all consumed and alone. Does that mean I'm alive or passive? The answer comes to be neutral (everyone knows it's balanced out at 0). I think I know what will make me feel alive, but I can't go back to him. Right now I can see that would be wrong, but it only takes five minutes for me to disappear (to -1) and I'll say yes. I realise that love will never be part of our equation because if it were I could stay at 0 or even reach +1. Why did we not listen to the damn poets when we had the chance? This is the most I've said for nearly a week.