Thursday, 30 December 2010

Band of Joy

Floating on a tidal wave alone. There isn't anyone to catch me. So, when I fall, I'll crash. Prove it?
There's a damn good reason why we were made to feel hurt but my god, a wish we could dim it wouldn't go amiss to the Genie. I'm overly tired and with that appetite. I'm not with the obvious. All I wanted for Christmas was glasses and an Oxfam goat. I can't think I can't, can't. The cat is on the wrong side of the bed. I sound so ungrateful. Christmas tree lights dazzle and confuse me. Why invite me where I'm not going to be wanted. All I can stand to eat if, I have to is tinned fruit. Maybe I should've stayed on that train. Held my breath just that little too long in the cold spat of the shower. Paid more attention to something, I've forgotten what. There's wet on my face. I should definitely unpack! Why are my cheeks damp? Oh, the irony. Right now I don't want a party. They aren't interrogatives, they are declaratives. It's practically hysterical in here. Why the hell didn't I give more of myself up to Science. I've sat staring at your colours for two hours why do you not give me anything I really need? Even that's a step too far. So selfish. Buzz and talk to me, please. I'm beginning to see that this isn't even real. Is it always about the infamous 'love' and the grand 'infidelity' with you people. No, selfish. I guess he'd say that was just about right. Oh poppycock, is that the time? Don't unlock my door. I get it, you don't like leaving me on my own.

Like I said, I'm going to crash when I finally fall.

Monday, 27 December 2010


I wonder in retrospect if it is just me that finds Christmas Day to be the strangest of the year? I now maybe see why it was sad to be away from everyone last year but work was actually quite a good way to spend the holiday. All that's left here are old fashioned board games and geography textbooks. Please don't cancel my train. Having decided for many reasons that from April this year I wouldn't drink again (I'm sure I will write all about it eventually if asked), it is only now really that I am being truly tested by it. I realise now that it was one of the only things that really stopped me from having to listen to my mind. Bliss. Which is not always the nicest place to abide to. First there was Anna and now there is Molly. Goodness me, whom will be next?

For someone whom never took to Maths, the universal language it converses in is finally understood unto me.
Christmas was not right this year, something had gone astray with the formula but I won't ask the doctors to fix it, I know they wouldn't understand (me).

Through the beautiful flow of words and reason I am grounded in Literature. From the spread on the table I am pushed towards 'no thank you'. The clothes on my bones leave me to wonder why they are so revealing. All that flesh. All by my mind, this is coming to pass.
Why does everyone rely on New Year to make their change? Every day can be a new year if only we'd listen to our own calendars. The clocks are ticking away! That's how the rest of the animals live, just because we can't talk to them doesn't mean we can't follow by example.
I am all consumed and alone. Does that mean I'm alive or passive? The answer comes to be neutral (everyone knows it's balanced out at 0). I think I know what will make me feel alive, but I can't go back to him. Right now I can see that would be wrong, but it only takes five minutes for me to disappear (to -1) and I'll say yes. I realise that love will never be part of our equation because if it were I could stay at 0 or even reach +1. Why did we not listen to the damn poets when we had the chance? This is the most I've said for nearly a week.

Friday, 24 December 2010

Bang for the Buck

Having managed to avoid the depths of my mind for another day I feel it is time for a post of loveliness :)
Yesterday I gave a few presents around (yay for finally getting it all done and not having to shop last minute in Sainsbury's on Christmas Eve like last year) I must say the best reception I have ever, ever received came from my lovely darling Lauren yesterday. Part of the gift of home cooked goodies and mug galore was a mix cd. How very retro! So I thought it only right to spread (and HIGHLY recommend) the love of this little winter ensemble:

Yeah, as you can see I'm not brilliant at this whole 'put a picture on your blog' thing. Yet! There's plenty of time to learn haha.

My lovely friend Laura held a little Christmas thing at her house yesterday and it was really nice to see everyone together again. It's so difficult to get us all together at the same time! I got there in time to catch the end of Love Actually (the perfect Christmas film!!) which was lovely. From then on it was all chatting, hot drinks and laughter. Ahh :)

As a little cheeky Christmas treat to myself (very naughty of me) I bought a few things from work! £140 worth of items for £38, fantaaaastic!
Items included these lovelies:

Sooo cute (and warm :D). I think the socks look a bit like those nice looking loaves of bread - the seeded ones that are really unhealthy but so popular, yeah? Cannot wait to wear them on a cold day!

I would like to write a lot more but I've got to get some sleep as I'm at work for 7:45am tomorrow morning and I won't be a very good sales assistant if I'm half asleep!

What are the New Years resolutions going to be??

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, I hope it's whatever you're hoping it will be xxx

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Searching for a Former Clarity

This time of year the word 'love' seemingly becomes so candid. But is that really the case? It's as if it were a game of throw and catch, but with a precious gem. The game starts off as one of precaution and assiduous attention but as time progresses and the participants become better at catching the precious stones to and through the careful watch diminishes. I pose this point as an anti-hero, most would say this is the 'Season of Love'. I believe it can be, but not through spoken language. Should it be seen by the views from our windows, the excitement glittering and wobbling from the bauble's wink and least we forget the peaceful moments of which quiet finds our minds but forgets our hearts? We are each to our own in how we come to feel this. I hesitate to use the word 'emotion', I use it in its utmost to be an abstract noun. For that is surely the only way to ensure that everyone is included in my theory. My point I realise, has maybe not been displayed simply so I refrain to this; if everyone could turn lead to gold, it would become worthless, that is why it only applies to a special few whom obtain the Master Work.

I must admit that my point has been simplified by the work of Paulo Coelho, though I might wish I had read "The Alchemist" earlier, I think it was a prize to have left it (accidentally) till Christmas time. If you have not read this book definitely put it on your last minute stocking filler list! Personally, I'd also recommend reading something fairly damning before, I read "A Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley and it will not disappoint.

I found a bunch of photos on my phone that are themed perfectly for Christmas:

Lots more baking photos to come I presume, I'm going to attempt to make chocolate fudge today, how exciting!
Everyone should listen to Christmas Lights by Coldplay too :)

Sunday, 5 December 2010


I'm the stranger next to me.

It's just hit home that I haven't found my Christmas cheer yet. So much for fairy lights. Maybe it's because the tree isn't up yet? Oh wow Jimmy Eat World, sets the present world on fire. I think I'm going to be lost again soon, I can feel it coming.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

The Wild Party

Maybe tomorrow it comes crashing down,
Maybe next week, I'll find, another clown,
Maybe I'll try to go a different way -
But look who's sitting here, today -

If I could change,
If I could grow,
I'd ask for nothing more,
And through that door, I'd go,
But if I'm through,
Do I stay?

Maybe he wants me,
Maybe he needs me,
Maybe he loves me -

Maybe I, like it, this way.

Who is your yes in a world of maybe?
Thank you Andrew Lippa; for the show stopper and the lyrics.