Friday, 16 March 2012

How Strange, Innocence

Using music as a bandage, it wraps around my wrists and mind. It eases the troublesome tirade of a fickle onslaught.

At the ball. There's an incredibly high ceiling, it holds intricate patterns and seemingly impossible artwork. Blood, sweat and tears. With a firm grip, a fantastic chandelier is poised right over the centre of the room, the Architect really wanted to get that part alone right. The floor is marble, of course. It it a mix of triangular perfection, in shades of ecru, peru and with a delicate lining of russet. The light seems to come from everywhere, but the room still remains dim. At the right there is a spiralling grand staircase. To the left the platform for the band. A piano adorns the space greedily, but as it casts out such wonderful sound the other instruments play nicely. The tables have fabulous centrepieces, deep rouge roses, mixed with their innocently white counterpart. There are diamonds on the petals and it's so beautiful because no weight hangs heavy on them. Wink in the candlelight. The chairs are plush, with velvet smooth covers. The satin is so soft on the table surface. Next to cutlery that's polished perfection, sharp and accurately placed. Name cards were done individually, the writing suits the theme. The staff, know when to appear and when to disappear back into the walls. Discretion is key.
A hand takes you and spins you onto the floor. Though it is dizzy for a second or so, the room stops twirling. A slow dance, where hands fit on waists and snugly into a partner's free hand. One hand up high, and placing it perfectly there means eyes will definitely meet. Moving to a beat, different from the one strummed in the left. Hearts adjust to a rhythm and become lost. If it all stopped now there would be a confusion. Rested heads on shoulders. The only smell is a faint perfume, so familiar. Slow movements. Gentle. We were dancing to keep breathing.
"You don't need me, but you won't leave me."

Once again, let's take a moment to clear out the paper from our desks. Spring cleaning. Flower pruning. I guess you were going to make me do this all along. All it would have taken was the truth. No one says that out aloud anymore, for pity's sake. We should be so lucky. Stop pretending. You were no parachute after all. Terrible, falling, down. Watered down versions of the truth.

Looking up to that highly placed hand, sort of ready to say the words.
No one is there. Cruel dream.


  1. "If it all stopped now there would be a confusion."

    I know what you mean, and I can tell you have been there and felt it. The tumbling confusion of not knowing which was is up.

    If you are feeling how I think you are, then please know that it won't last forever, however hard it is to believe. And you can always talk to me, a person behind a mask. x

  2. Music is amazing. It has kept me alive through so many nights I thought I wouldn't survive. I hope you find many beautiful tunes in your life <3

    Wow, you wrote about the ChCh quakes in your exam? Thats as weird as finding out that my Grandad stopped his truck on the motorway and watched the landslide I case-studied in 5th form geography. Turns out the hillside I say out my window every day was actually the site of a major natural disaster. Now kids play rugby there ever saturday. Life is so deeply weird.

    I have thought about a different job many times, but I happen to mostly like where I am now. That fascist bitch is moving to another store *dance of joy*. If she would only take Tweedle Evil with her then things would be perfect!

    Wow, you WHAT? that suck the big one *hugs* 'Light Duties' at my store consist of doing the 'facing'. . . Going over every item on the shelves and making sure they're pulled to the front of the shelf and the label is facing outwards. It takes HOURS to do babyfood&health/beauty. I only ever did it once. NEVER AGAIN!

    I hope you're well. Take care *huggles*

  3. Music has saved me more times than I can count.

    As always, your writing is beautiful. <3

    I hope you are well!!


  4. "Hearts adjust to a rhythm and become lost. If it all stopped now there would be a confusion."

    Life, like a dance, like a war and the only thing that could ever save us is the beauty of music. Something in here makes me sad, all the same, it makes me feel i'm not alone. And yeah, I'm not alone.

    Thank you for this, Mh.
    Love you!xx

  5. Cruel dream indeed. There are many dreams from which I wish I never awakened. xx

  6. Dearest mahiri, thank you so much for your comment! It was the best thing to come home from work to *Hugs you until your eyes pop out* :p

    Wow, cashmere socks? 0.0 I just DIED of sock envy! The last time I saw cashmere yarn is was laceweight and priced at 'your firstborn child' (Read:About $NZD50) per BALL. I bet your socks were wonderful! Now I'm contemplating doing colourwork socks in all shades of delicious just-toasted-bread-brown. Maybe a nice dark brown/w/black flecks for the foot and everything above the heel being lovely pale creams and golden tan in fair isle motifs?

    Zirka is usually here this time of year, if you plan on coming to NZ make sure to hit Dunedin about this time and I'll totally shout you :D If we miss the actual circus, there is always Circus Club, and the Gypsy Fair is usually here about Easter weekend. Right now is the last few days of the Fringe Festival, it's totally epic! I snuck my own candy into the circus XD Nothing better than nibbling Coconut Ice while giggling at clowns (Unless it's pineapple lumps and a cup of coffee!) After that clown routine, Miles is NOT allowed in my Kitchen! They were juggling&contact juggling pots and pans, then did plate spinning and FINALLY one bloke balanced a tray full of cups on a rod held between his teeth. . . Fucking circos! Bad influences on aspiring clowns since ages ago! XD

    I adore Autumn too. I'm hoping to go to the UK one day, and I'd definitely make sure I went during your autumn. It is the BEST time of year! Massive piles of leaves to jump in, and beautiful light and lovely cool breezes when the sun is almost-too-hot *sighs*

    *Huggles* I think of you guys and cry whenever 'Fucking perfect' play at work. They must think the boss beats me! Have some more Tim, two song I sing at work when its quiet:
    (Let me reiterate: I would totally have his illegitimate lustchild.)
    I'm sorry that it made you cry! I have had a good weekend, it was very quiet because the Hyde St Keg Party was on, so everyone was out getting drunk and falling off rooves instead of supermarket shopping :3

    I hope that you had a good weekend and that things are getting better. Here for you for everything (Including handknit cashmere socks!). Love you so much!

    *massive hugs*

  7. Words occasionally have the fantastic ability to confuse themselves with architecture, building upon one another and seemingly creating something tangible. Your words seem to transcend this, they are even greater and I feel as if they go past being real and travel back into being stars and dreams. You have such talent. Never stop creating the worlds that your words do, darling, they are truly extraordinary. Much love x


Thank you for your words.