Friday, 5 September 2014


Anhedonia has overtaken. Old friend, supposedly. In love with our sadness, aren't we the sickos. Love let go, we told you so. Becoming pathetic, and we know it.

Take it all away. Take it.

Had it twisted, a mangled truth. That's not who I am. I damn the wish that I'd met you first.

Get to know me.
Do not become another person I have to censor my life to. There is joy in this. It starts with your arms. Come so close.

There should be more moments in which we feel so limitless. Ones where the world rushes by, even as you are standing still. How they will lift you up and your eyes swiftly roll back. You are lost and present in one small second. Sometimes it lasts longer. Oh, sensation! Your fingers are so light, soon realising that a tingling has spread all the way to the underside of your toes. Head spinning, pleasant syns. To be so supreme. Unending, the story goes on.

I want to discuss the world and the way there are so many problems. What are your solutions? Are you a fighter? Or do you not care that much? Where do you stand on the death of innocents by gunfire, is it who pulls the trigger or the weapon itself? I want to find out when sadness makes you tick. What it makes you feel. Not how or why. No one ever has to answer those, always a choice. Remind me of all the times we have walked hand in hand. Did you ever once regret it? Are you a believer in the fireworks that can erupt during kissing. Are you a believer in the magic of bonfire night itself, I ask myself if I could be with someone who didn't understand in my belief of that magic. Do you do everything with your whole being? Or would you believe that's living too much? Or not really living at all... I wonder at night the thoughts you think before you fall asleep. Do you go over just the past week or the whole year? Longer than that too, perhaps. Reminded of things you don't even remember living, not really. Do you believe that some nights can last forever? Have you ever thought about your dying, the thought of you not existing - not just for how that would be for others, but for yourself. Can you see the selfishness from both party lines? The city or great outdoors? Memories to me, apparent moments to you. Do you always want to stay the same or are you one to embrace change? If so, are you ever afraid you will change so much you aren't the same person you were happy with being. Or become a person you aren't proud of. Do you realise the importance of the person you love, being proud of you. And on that note what makes you proud of you. Is it the actions you do, your beliefs and opinions or the people you surround yourself with. Are you equally as proud as those around you, and are you sure that those people hold just as much love in their hearts? I like your thirst for knowledge. It seems to radiate from you, but so much so that I fall dumb when you ask me to pick your brain. I'm no vulture. I really have a thousand questions for you, they change all the time. So never worry, I won't run out. Just always answer yes, when I ask if you care. Because this, this is my ultimate saviour. Can you ever tell me that won't change? Would you tell me there were times when you would have truly believed that but no longer feel you can. Are you standing fast against the storm, determined anyway?

"..made from the sun you are, oh what a star you are.."

No longer the voice remains, fragments of laughter and snippets of words. I cannot make out the sound of your voice on our treasured 'three little words'. It is gone. Collapsing smiles from half moments linger. Have you chosen to release me without my own consent? To just no longer exist. Nothing dramatic you see, just a disappearance. To you, to everyone. You are fading, you are.

I suppose find peace, my love. Off to sleep now, dear heart, the stars are calling you home.

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Thank you for your words.