Sunday, 8 April 2012
"Oh, dear darling. No one believes you."
Everyone thinks it's someone else. That's not fair. How do you always get away with this? Over and over. You are a trick to be fooled by.
There was time spent together. It was spent not watching a clock, though that's a white lie. Not for the first time. When we did not know each other. Again a white lie, I never knew you.
There's many stains. They were a paint we made that coloured a picture in our minds. Carefree we let the residue drip from the soft brushes and on to our fingers. The tumbling drop rolls with an intent motion. Covering lines and creating roads. Places to travel. Used to escaping in the water as it removed those tracks for a while. The water so warm and silky, too inviting.
There are invisible scars you made. You were so sweet and she was falling into trust. You had this brilliant innocence which made it so evil when it turned out you shot with poisoned tips. A doll for your shelf. Picked up and used by a master. You said to that dolly that she was so lovely he couldn't help it, powerless before her. Little did she know your charm was a disguise. Placing your hands on her throat, tender till the marks formed. You knew it well. A plan of misconception. But who was left missing you?
Mass lack of control again and I'm almost afraid to be in the water alone.
A strange and hazy mist. An illusion of the road in front of you. It blinds you at the worse times and you swerve to avoid that tree. The one that anchored you in place and you thought you could trust. It grew in you. You. And so did you. Don't forget you, too. You broke me. I promised to love better but I forgot how to. So my heart is black, just like you said. Always right about everything.
Why are you miles away? It should be good. A way to keep away from your voice. The one I find hard to forget. The one I expect to hear on the phone. Telling me what's what and dictating the way I'm going to grovel the next day when I'm feeling worthless. A destructive force and focus to break strength. You did have impeccable timing.
Is this an end? Everything is so fragile.
It is coming and I am going nowhere.
I miss you, Cruelty.