Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Busy Doing Nothing

(To set the scene: Making a nest up high and settling in. Tucking more feathers around, we're not giving up on this baby. Not to the coldest winter. Safe now.)

Decide to go out into the world, cast off from the shore and see where the winds carry your sails. They say there's an opportunity out there for all of us, we just need to keep our nets well maintained.

Trading liquid gold. Honey, so sweet for the soul. Tempestuous without the old Latin to pain the conscious thought. We were left ingrained with Radix Malorum est Cupiditas. So we make promises to conduct different kinds of lives.

With you we are lost then found.

Should we be so lucky to be a cloth, drying on a line. Taken in when we're ready and used when useful. Rarely blowing away in the wind. However, should this occur chances would suggest another may make use of you. Though kindness is only optional and varies widely.

Hundreds together at once, in dingy yellowing lights. Damaging your head, in time with the morning after. Falling asleep, even when what is taking place all around is so very important, so much of all the time.

You made an 'apple for a thought' tree. You wanted it decorated. But there's no beautiful minds left when they're riddled with heavy thoughts. Treading water constantly, because drowning would mean everything was easy. Healthy bones, but not in mind. That's what thoughts you were after, after all. Proving mental just for awareness. Contested issues.

(Ending the scene: From ground, the wall is steep and perilous. A warning sign that this isn't the way to go. A sheer face that is unforgiving. Just like you were. I'm all patchwork and moving forward now, trying at least. But you've still left deep cracks in the photo frame, right over where the smile used to beam. Years gone from one conversation to the next, that's how the control sets in. This is all in denial of course, nothing could possibly be your fault. Sometimes.)

But dearest love, this is so murky and ill.
There is warmth in body and love in heart. Love in all you see. These streets are so adventurous, a world waiting out there. Beaches for our footprints and rocks for scrambling hands. Trees for climbing, caves for secrets and wishes. Hands for holding. Sunsets for the idea of forever, or until the sun refuses to one day rise from night's slumber. This is a beginning, I promise. One day it'll be learnt that we can stain something beautiful in beginning, middle and end. It may have taken awhile to reach here, but the focus is that it starts now. Honey light bathing all of us in each golden tomorrow.


  1. I missed you so much.

    So much love for you Mhairi <3

  2. P.S.


    Woot you're a Geographer too? I did it all through High School. It was so many kinds of awesome. I loved doing precis sketches, it was the best. And you got to get new coloured pencils at the start of each year, since you were ALWAYS out of green, brown and yellow.

    Bwahahaha, you'll be living in a lovely house in a geologically stable area while your flatmates are wondering why there is suddenly liquefaction eating their foundations.

    I think it's nice that we have a day or two where people can ask questions without feeling too awkward, but the general level of ignorcance drives me mental. I'm always very open and honest with people at work when they ask me questions about mental illness.

    "Step out of the control zone; Speak up and OUT" What the actual fuck did they mean by this?!?

    I had a talk with Miles and admitted the SH and things are going better. I'm trying to be more social and he said he's working on accepting that he can't just 'fix' me and that there are things that he just can't fix. Lol guys like to fix things.

    That happens to me too. When something happens that rips away the safe shield of denial and I shut down and turn into a sterile robot with a force-field of elbows and hands. It sucks and I wish it didn't happen. Neither state is healthy.

    I saw a quote yesterday "Life begins where your comfort zone ends" but you can substitute excitement/adventure/terror for life too XD Take it a bit at a time, ok? Little steps so you don't get unbalanced and fall over. You can do it, just be easy on yourself. The fear is natural and it will fade.

    Omfg that tumblr is amazing. This is my favourite fun-poking at our twat of a PM

    Have a good weekend. Love you to bits <3

  3. Yours is a beautiful mind, if any.

    I love you, too much for words.


  4. Those last few sentences! Darling, I love you. And I miss you, and I'm glad you're here.

  5. Brilliant, as always. <3 Do you ever write music? Because there is something rhythmic and musical about your writing. I imagine you would write wonderful music.


Thank you for your words.